Graves: [Miranda point her gun at Graves] So… Ms. Frost is not all she seems.
James Bond: Looks can be deceptive.
(Die Another Day)

I visited my favourite fruit and veg shop yesterday. Ahmed, the shopkeeper was serving someone else, so I waited at the side for him to finish darting between trays of oranges and courgettes. The customer was a 50-60yr old shortish man with an old touristy baseball cap on. He turned to me and asked me where I was from.

I don’t mind chatting to people, but have to admit to not enjoying chatting to men like this because they a) never stop talking, b) see no problems in asking rather personal questions (How old are you? Are you married?) and c) absolutely never take the hint oozing from my monosyllabic flat-toned responses and failure to look at them when I respond.

Such was he. He also had teeth that looked like they hadn’t been brushed in about a year, which led to the assumption that he was Egyptian because there is a special stick (miswaak) that some use to scrape their teeth clean. If you’re not a conscientious scraper, your teeth end up looking like his.

“Aah, Scotland. Cold! Very cold.”

“Hmm.”

“Aah yes, and James Bond. Sean Connery.”

“Yes.”

“Aah yes, 1965 that vas the first time I saw James Bond. He’s the only person alloved to kill, isn’t he? 007, he’s been given the right by the Queen.”

“Yes.” (not quite sure about that, but easier to agree!)

“You know, in all this time he has never been to my country.”

“Perhaps he wasn’t invited.” I said flat-toned.

“Yes, he hasn’t been to my country. The Middle East, he hasn’t been here..” At this point my interest changed. It is extremely unusual to hear an Egyptian refer to where they live as the Middle East, rather than Egypt, to the point that if you say they live in the Middle East, often there will be a correction that really, they live in Egypt and Egyptians are descendants of the Pharaohs, not the Arabs. “..He hasn’t been to my country, Israel.”

At this point my interest was definitely grabbed, unfortunately, my desire to end the conversation ramped up about 100 notches. Although there is a peace treaty, although there is foreign trade between the two countries and although there are some Israelis living in Egypt, the fact that when you drive near the Israeli embassy, not only do you have a blocked off road and mountains of gun-wielding policemen, but your mobile phone reception is cut, is an indication as to how the ‘man on the street’ really views Israel (as opposed to Russia or France, both embassies nearby with no such measures).

It was then too that the strange ‘v’ sound when he was talking clicked. It does not exist in Arabic and Egyptians find difficult to pronounce, so would never use a ‘v’ instead of a ‘w’.

“Have you been to Israel? Have you been to my country?”

“No.”

“It’s only 4 hours from Scotland, he should come. I don’t know vhy he vouldn’t come.”

Ahmed came to give the man his bill, saving me from having to answer on behalf of Mr Connery. He paid it and conversed briefly in what seemed to me like perfect Egyptian Arabic.

“Do you know that man?” my store keeper friend asked after the man had disappeared.

“No.”

A few moments of silence.

“Do you know him?” I asked.

“No, it was his first time here.”

A few more moments silence.

“Do you know where he’s from?” I asked.

“Egypt.” I raised my eyebrows. “He’s Egyptian.” Ahmed repeated.

“How can you tell?”

“He speaks like an Egyptian.”

“Yes,” I concurred, “In Arabic he does”.