I have been involved with an Egyptian man for the last 15 months. I have gone to Egypt twice. The first time for 1 week to meet him, then 3 months later for another 7 days to meet his family, as we have been getting very serious and want to be married. He didn’t tell me until i already had been talking to him for 5 months that he is already married to an american woman for 2 years. She scammed him unto getting married to try and keep herself out of trouble when she came back to the states. She was caught scamming people all over the U.S. on the internet and taking their money. Nevertheless, because i saw how difficult life is their I understand how badly people need money, so when i get paid i would send him 50.00 to 100.00. I did not mind this at all. But the last 2 weeks he began asking me for more money to help him divorce her to get over here to be with me. When i told him that i would not get or send that kind of money, he proceeded to tell me that he would not talk to me anymore until he had it in his hand. My question to you is have i been scammed by him or was this a true love connection. Now i have doubts, plz tell me what you think.

Additionally:

I also would like to add that I met him online and can you please tell  me what your thoughts are on this.   Also, I’m wondering if scammers will spend 15 months with you all the while knowing that you did not have very much money?

First I would like to say that I am sorry, this all sounds very difficult to be going through.

Ok, now to the nitty gritty.

The American Woman: I think this sounds incredibly suspect. I cannot imagine a situation in which an American woman would somehow get out of trouble by marrying an Egyptian man. Of all nationalities to marry if you are an American, Egyptian is (unfortunately) not going to get you far. Do you know her name? If she was caught, particularly if it was for online scamming, I’m sure that a deep Google search would bring something up.

Your money: this is an incredibly generous act on your part. Life is difficult for many over here and 50-100 (I’m guessing Euro or Pounds Sterling?) is a huge amount for the majority of the population, particularly to receive it for doing nothing. So, whether he has been scamming you or not, you have done something very nice here.

Money demand: this is, I fear, bad news. Regardless of whether the American woman story is true or not, whether he wants the money for a divorce or not, if this is someone who loves you truly, why on earth would they refuse to speak to you because you can’t afford something? Even if you can afford it, why should you pay for his divorce from another woman? I’m not sure where they got married (am assuming Egypt – if there is even a marriage), but it’s not unaffordable to obtain a divorce in Egypt anyway, unless he signed some kind of pre-nup, in which case, why should you pay that?  If his main motivation in this relationship was his love for you, wouldn’t refusing to talk to you be a strange thing to do? If his main motivation was some financial gain (which doesn’t necessarily mean he doesn’t have feelings for you too), then this behaviour might make more sense.

Additionally, if he is wanting to come to the UK, money will not be the first thing he needs. A visa will be far more important and these days they are incredibly difficult to get.

Online: meeting someone online doesn’t mean they’re bad, of course. The problem is, if you meet someone, face to face from a culture that is very different to your own (and Egyptian culture is very different from UK/American culture), and who does not speak your language as a mother tongue, then it is incredibly difficult to judge their character. If you meet them online, it’s far, far harder. Also, spending a couple of weeks with someone does not give huge insight into their character: just think how different you are when you’re free from work stresses, lying by a pool, soaking up the sun, vs waking up grumpy on a cold winter morning full of the cold and having to go to work. A week or two isn’t long enough to see people at their worst.

Scamming time: the answer is yes. You think that you don’t have much money. I can assure you, that whatever money you have, is more than he has. This is proven by the fact that you can spare 50-100 per month and he takes it. It is also important to realise that Egyptian men are quite macho (by UK standards). I do not have one Egyptian male friend who would be comfortable taking money from me. Some have more money than me, some less, but they won’t let me even pay for a coffee unless I really fight and sometimes not even then – and these are people I’ve known for eight years.

This may not be very comfortable for you, but look at it from his point of view. You have been sending him money over the past X months. I don’t know when you started doing this, but let’s just say out of the 15 month relationship, you’ve sent it over the past 10 months and you sent him the minimum you stated, 50. I’m going to assume this is 50 Pounds Sterling. This means, that over the past 10 months, he’s received a minimum of 4500 Egyptian Pounds. Many Egyptians earn 1000 Egyptian Pounds a month as salary. So, in his terms, he’s received a lot of money. Is it worth him keeping in touch with you even though you don’t have much money? Yes, because to him you do.

What to do now? I guess it depends on what you want to do. If you really want to try and pursue a relationship with him you will probably need to be a bit careful. First of all, stopping the money, any money, would perhaps be a good thing. Technically, in Islam (I’m assuming he’s Muslim), when husband and wife both work, the money earned by the husband is for the family and the money earned by the wife is for HER! I’m not kidding. In reality many couples share the burden of bringing up their family together, but there is no obligation for the wife to do this. As you are not even married, there can be no real justification on his side for your supporting him. If he loves you, he will accept that you are not a bank and have no problem with that – EVER. If you are wanting to continue this relationship, it might be worth considering that this is a person for whom money is something to exchange with love and for that reason, it might be prudent to always keep your money entirely separate from him.

If you do not want to continue, then it’s easier: stop all contact. Don’t tell him you’re going to stop contact, just don’t get back in touch. I’m sure he’ll figure out what’s going on get back in touch telling you how much he loves you.  It’s up to you to figure out if you believe it.

There’s one more important thing to consider here: you. Think about yourself and what you’re worth. Clearly you are a kind and generous person, as you have been giving away money that you work hard for. I’m sure you’ve made mistakes, but you’re human. The question is: are you worth someone you can’t fully trust? Are you worth someone who refuses to talk to you until/unless you pay for his divorce to some other woman (who may or may not exist) and for a plane ticket for him? Would you tell a little girl that this is the sort of man she should look for as a life partner? You are no less worthy of someone who treats you well and with respect than a little girl is.