We just came back from a little sojourn in Alexandria. It is a wonderful city, with some classical art deco architecture and of course, the famous library. It is a shame that its beauty barely shines through the layers of peeling paint and ill-advised 1970’s monstrosities lining the Corniche. I’m harsh though: it is improving somewhat.

On a little night time walk to digest the kilos of seafood we managed to consume, I spotted Abu ‘Abbas’ shami hoummus cart on the beach. What a blonde mermaid and a dolphin have to do with hoummus is beyond me, unless it’s a hoummus eating dolphin. Note too please, the bouff as sported by the mermaid. I hear bouffs are coming back people, so get practising your backcombing and stock up on hairspray.

It was pretty chilly, with a stiff breeze coming in from the sea. Summer days at the beach seem far away when hands push down deep against pocket lining in an attempt keep blood circulating and cold air whistles past ears.

Finally, there is a decent hotel on Egypt’s North Coast other than in Alexandria and Marina.

The El Alamain Hotel is, misleadingly, in Sidi Abdel Rahman, which is about 20 mins drive from El Alamain.

There are no signs (apart from a tiny one in Arabic) for the hotel, the entrance is the same as that for Marassi, the mega project that Emaar is constructing.

The hotel is jam-packed in June, July, August and some of September as Marassi is THE place to be seen at the moment on the North Coast during the Summer. Outside those months, it is virtually empty. If you prefer having the beach to yourself and can bear to forego loud music that masks the sound of the waves, Autumn and Spring are your best bets.

If you like your luxuries, then this hotel is not the Four Seasons (but a Ritz-Carlton will be opening nearby in the next few years). Overall the staff are extremely friendly (yes, friendly, not sleazy) and very keen to do what they can to make your stay pleasant. We did have a problem with our bathroom, but it was fixed very quickly and professionally.

The hotel has no website(!) and I cannot give you a phone number because they didn’t print it on their invoice! If you live in Cairo though, you can just drive up (3hrs) and check in outside the summer months, because the chance of them being full is extremely unlikely at the mo (at least until they start providing people with contact info!). It costs about 750EGP for a double room bed and breakfast (outside summer months).

A wee note though. In the past 18 months, this hotel has been totally refurbished and had a change of management too. There are lots of horrific stories on TripAdvisor about this hotel, but it was prior to Emaar getting their organised hands on it and making it somewhere you would actually like to go.

A long time ago, a certain Misssy went on holiday and took lots of photos of funny signs. “Oooh,” thought I, “I should join in this little funny-photo jaunt, seeing as I’m living in a country where nothing is ever spelled quite right.” The trouble was, I never seemed to have my camera with me at the right moment.

Until now. Misssy, I’ve got a cracker:

In case you think you missed it:

Cairo finally has a boutique hotel. In a city with such wonderful architecture that is, for the most part, under performing it’s potential through lack of investment, I’m surprised that it’s taken quite so long for someone with a bit of dosh to establish a well-run, well decorated boutique hotel.

It’s called Villa Belle Epoque. It’s stunning. There is a great article in the Times comparing it to Cairo’s ‘monumental bed farms’ – which, of course, are left in its shadows.

I am excited by this hotel because Cairo has so much to offer tourists, but nowhere ‘tasteful’ to stay on a small scale. It’s what I look for when I go on holiday and want to stay somewhere nice. It’s the sort of place I look for before deciding if I want to visit a particular town. And in the earlier days, when finances were a bit tighter, it’s the sort of place I would leave as a treat for the last couple of nights of an otherwise more modest holiday.

I can’t think of anything better, after arriving in Cairo’s busy airport, to being whisked to this calm hotel. Or, being enveloped by its garden after a hectic day sightseeing. Dinner tête-a-tête, with no queues for a buffet or any other such unappetising activities, divine.

Yes I’m raving. No I’m not getting paid for it – I don’t even know the owners. Yes I’d like to stay there. No, I can’t think of a reason..ooh..perhaps an upcoming birthday!

Wouldn’t this also be the perfect place for a honeymoon in Cairo before going on a cruise or going to Adrere Amellal in Siwa or the Al Moudira in Luxor?