You know you've been in Cairo a long time when (31-40):

1. You don’t worry if someone overtakes you on the inside lane.

2. You have no qualms about overtaking on the inside lane.

3. You only buy summer shoes that are dust proof or can be easily cleaned.

4. You have no qualms about walking around streets in the West with the same numeric value of relevant currency as you do here, until you notice the shop assistant’s eyebrows raising when she sees $1000 in your wallet when you pay for a coffee.

5.
You know that when you go to the movies for the 6pm showing you don’t need to turn up before 7pm as that’s when the trailers start.

6. Having watched too much MBC, you dream about Jeremy Paxman.

7. You notice how expensive everything is getting.

8. You start forgetting which words are spelled with a ‘B’ and which with a ‘P’.

9. You notice how crude lyrics to Western popular music are, especially in comparison to those of Arabic pop.

10. Amr Diab starts being sexy.

You know you've been in Cairo a long time when (21-30):

21. When asked, “Do you know the way to X?” you answer yes and point in the first direction your hand finds.

22. You can’t remember the last time you used a credit card to pay for something in a shop.

23. You take your three year old, your five year old and your seven year old to see the midnight showing of Kill Bill 2.

24. You go to the movies in order to sit and chat with your friend for an hour and a half.

25. You can’t watch a movie without an interval.

26. You can’t find a wallet big enough to carry the wads of cash you now have in your bag.

27. You refer to any hair colour other than pitch black as blonde.

28. You routinely answer no when asked if you have any change at the shop.

29. You know that the shop actually has change, even though they’re asking for yours.

30. You do not consider linen trousers or skirts for the summer – you’ve experienced too many unsightly wet patches on the behind after sitting down.

You know you've been in Cairo a long time when (21-30):

21. When asked, “Do you know the way to X?” you answer yes and point in the first direction your hand finds.

22. You can’t remember the last time you used a credit card to pay for something in a shop.

23. You take your three year old, your five year old and your seven year old to see the midnight showing of Kill Bill 2.

24. You go to the movies in order to sit and chat with your friend for an hour and a half.

25. You can’t watch a movie without an interval.

26. You can’t find a wallet big enough to carry the wads of cash you now have in your bag.

27. You refer to any hair colour other than pitch black as blonde.

28. You routinely answer no when asked if you have any change at the shop.

29. You know that the shop actually has change, even though they’re asking for yours.

30. You do not think linen trousers or skirts are clothes for the summer – you know it just results in unsightly wet patches on the behind after sitting down.

You know you've been in Egypt a long time when.. (11-20)

11. You have guests over for dinner and prepare a banquet. And that’s only for the starter.

12. You get offended when your guests say they are full and put more on their plates.

13. You wonder why on earth Westerners are so rude when acquaintances pass you in the street and only nod acknowledgment or perhaps manage a short, ‘Hi”.

14. You start every meeting asking how people’s families are, their extended families are, how they are and how their work is going.

15. You say yes when asked any question.

16. You don’t worry whether the affirmative answer means you can do what you have just been asked to or not.

17. You return to Europe/North America and get embarrassed in the newsagents when you see the likes of Nuts and Loaded on the shelf.

18. When back in the West you can’t help noticing women’s cleavages when doing the shopping, you can’t stop staring at them – and you’re a straight woman.

19. You nearly have a heart attack when you see a female ‘crack’ from low rise jeans. I mean, what part of fashion did you miss?

20. You look at your shoulders in the mirror at home and wonder if they will ever see the light of day again.